Heavenletters

I will repeat what Gloria said, Chuck. Your comments are very clear and most welcome. It makes sense that you are using the word "therapy" in a more modern way, meaning something like "loving facilitation of growth". And the problem of "problem" will solve itself in a similar, simple way. Perhaps Gloria wants to encourage you to more fully use the quality of heart that is so evident in your comments.

But it's really improper for me to speculate about her meaning. Let me try to take another approach. You say that you see me diving in all the time. You make me smile. But since you said it, I feel encouraged to tell you a little about it. It's about trust, not the trust of the big dive but at least the trust of the little grab.

Imagine someone in the water where one can still stand, shutting his mouth and eyes tightly, squeezing his nose shut with one hand and using the other to try and grab something he thinks he saw down there. That, by and large, is my diving in. Sometimes I only get hold of my own feet but all in all it works because even in this proto-diving my thoughts and ideas are useless. I have to simply trust that what I saw is worth retrieving and worth expressing in the most direct way I am able to. Heavenletters are teaching me this. I used to explain a lot. Now, when I comment on a Heavenletter or respond to someone's post, I learn to trust my first impulse and let it guide me without questioning it. It is still work, of course, but work that has a clear anchor. Sometimes that anchor fades or gets blurred and that is when I know I have started thinking too much, losing touch with that original impulse. Or it turns out that the topic wasn't really worth writing about to begin with. Or I notice the sinking, queasy feeling I get from too much ego involvement.

Many years ago, in a very beautiful spiritual autobiography, I read a sentence that has burned itself into my soul like no other: "The first thought is from God." Now I'm learning the truth of this sentence. If I trust that first impulse, what I say or write then may feel as if I were reading from something like an Inca quipu or Braille text. Perhaps this is a preparation for Godwriting, I really don't know. What I want it to be, however, is a path toward spontaneity which is one of the pseudonyms for love of self.