But that is what we all do

But that is what we all do to some extent, dear Sasha. Do not criticize yourself for it. Trying to right a wrong hasn't worked out and forgetting wasn't possible either. But so what? At least now you truly long for a solution and that's the wonderful part of it. Getting seriously serious. You may find it helpful to read a Heavenleter on the topic of Forgiveness. You can find it here:

http://www.heavenletters.org/what-forgiveness.html

And if you sense a vastness around or within you sometimes, listen into it, go there often. That is where healing is.

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