What an emptiness there is with love unperceived.
My old fear came back with a vengeance yesterday, choking, petrifying fear without name or face: angst. I could not help thinking, Where are You, God, when I need You most? Why can't I feel You, why can't I feel Your love? Is it all just words and fantasy? Aren't You just telling me day in, day out that I'm doing it wrong? Are You there at all?
Today, reading this Heavenletter in the morning and looking up at the end, I realized I felt better. Why?
Does fear shut off love? Does love withheld produce fear? Both? It would look like a vicious circle then. How can I break it or spin it into a benevolent one?
The answer must be in loving. Am I not loving? I know I am. But it's not exactly "giving out love like lollipops". Distinctions are made, definitely. That no good? Jim/i? In connection with lollipops, I trip over the phrase "be more desirous". More desirous to give out love "right and left" - is that the big secret?
Johanne, you responded to stmichael and I felt moved to post my comment as a reply to yours although I speak to all of you, of course. For some reason, the posts that were there already looked strangely side-by-side to me (sorry, my English seems insufficient here), and today I really need the feeling of all of us facing one another in conversation. It's a bit strange, I know.
My love to all of you and this wonderful site.
Random Comments
I cannot tell you how much Heavenletters mean to me. Some days I could cry for the beauty of the words -- other days I laugh out loud -- and yet others I gasp with realization when I read them. The greatest gift these Heavenletters bring, I think, is the emotional responses we have - emotion ... e-motion ... energy in motion. They get us moving!