Heavenletters

Shelora Fitzgerald
Living a Miraculous Life!

Dear Gloria,

Over the past few weeks I have been deep in a process of reviewing my life and committing to telling my story publicly. I will publish this story in my blog,

But, encouraged by Gloria's faith and love, and clear pure spirit, I have decided to share it here first.

DavidPaul and Candace Doyle were the ones who referred me to Gloria, whose love and faith is giving me the courage to speak out at last, regardless of the consequences.

So, let me tell you about this magical journey I have been on.

For many years I have been attempting to write the story of my life, in particular, share the miracle that transformed my life November 23rd, 1991.

On that glorious day, I saw the face of God.

It came in the form of a magnificent, truly awesome vision of Jesus Christ, in full colour, on a cloud in the sky over Maui.

He was dressed in white, with a red mantle over his shoulder, his long auburn hair flowing over his shoulders, his hands in an attitude of prayer. He was praying for us.

I was in a car with four other people. We all watched in stunned silence as the cloud on which his image was painted in full colour passed majestically across the ocean.

This lovely image had been preceded by an image of an angel, its tiny wings resting on the edge of a cloud, looking upwards.

I thought I was hallucinating, so I stayed silent. But after a long period of silence, I finally asked my friend if she saw what I saw. "Yes, Shelora, I see the angel," she answered.

I was not crazy. Four people were in the car. They all saw it.

And so, after the image of the angel on the cloud passed away, and, a few minutes later, the image of Jesus appeared, we said nothing. What could be said? The beauty and the reverence of it was beyond words.

Afterwards, in answer to my question of why I had been chosen to see this wonder, I discovered A Course in Miracles, the Voice of the Holy Spirit, the Voice for God, speaking through Christ, which has become my constant companion over the past eighteen years.

I want the world to know about the joy that knowing such an intimate, gentle, yet majestic way has brought to my life.

Yet something stopped me.

Every time I came close to speaking my truth in public, I retreated. I felt afraid that you would reject me as a liar, a scam, a fraud; I would be scorned and humiliated, scoffed at and mocked. Nobody would believe me.

I would, in essence, be crucified for speaking my truth..

After years of healing work, I finally traced it back to an incident in my Kindergarten, when, entranced with my ability to draw, to make stories and pictures, and longing for the art materials to do so at home, I took a package of crayons from the stock room at school, and was told I was a thief, and spanked for it.

In that humiliating moment I decided I was a bad girl and deserved to be punished.
I have been royally punishing myself in one form or another, creating attack and injustice ever since.

But you would never have known it. From the age of three I had been on stage, surrounded in my home by famous artists, actors, dancers and musicians, a glamourous life, indeed. I learned to live in the world of fantasy. I became the best pretender in the world, a consummate actress. As I got older, it appeared I had talent, and I loved the theatre. So I hid out in the spotlight.

My parents never knew what had happened. As far as they were concerned, I was a friendly, happy, trusting little girl, the teacher's pet, a straight "A" student. They never knew that the other children waited for me after school, tied me up, held me down, washed my face with snow, left me in garages or under bridges, called me names, , blamed for breaking windows, and anything else that they did not want to take responsibility for. I did not realize that I was being bullied, or that there was anything I could do about it. My fate had already been decided. I was a "fairy."

I became an actress and a dancer. When i was sixteen, I auditioned for and was accepted by the National Theatre School of Canada in Montreal, one of only seven girls and seven boys chosen from across Canada. That year I failed grade eleven math, and facing the need to repeat a year, I dropped out of school and went off to Europe for four months, before returning to Montreal to attend theatre school. After graduating, I moved to Vancouver and acquired four university degrees, including a teaching degree. I would show them!

However, that conviction that was guilty and deserved to be punished was running in the background of my life. And there was no shortage of evidence in the world to confirm that that was so. From the age of five onwards, a series of events and circumstances transpired that proved to me that there was no God, there could be no God. Otherwise how could these horrible attacks and abuses have been allowed to happen to me?

Of course, I took no responsibility for what a five year old child had decided all those years ago. I was not even aware that it was there, running my life in the background, colouring everything that happened to me, creating seemingly undeserved, unjustified attack, out of the blue, again and again.

I had created the drama you could ever want to prove that I was alone in the Universe, and there was no God. And I certainly was not responsible for any of it! If there was a God, I blamed HIM!

I I found myself literally SCREAMING at God,

"WHY! WHY! WHY!!"

The answer came in the Voice. A small, quiet voice, a few weeks later. I had taken refuge with a friend of mine, and she took me to a Sufi meeting. There the Master said these words to me: "When you go to sleep at night, let there be someone who looks after you."

I did. That night I slept deep and dreamed of a handsome man in a black Riverboat Captain's hat and black, silver-trimmed shirt, smiling at me, knowingly.

The next day, in the waking dream, I heard the Voice of God for the first time, as I beheld the man of my dreams standing in front of me, dressed identically to the dream I had had the night before. As I stared, the Voice spoke as clearly as if someone was in the room, saying, "This is the man who will be the father of your children."

Astonished, I told this handsome man what I had heard, and he replied, "That's all right. I like children." And so it was. He became the father of my two beautiful girls.

Many such miraculous things, both terrible and wonderful, have happened since, but the pattern of magical bliss followed by unexpected attack persisted, along with the sense of being chosen for some special purpose which I have been afraid to fulfill.

Yesterday, In A Course in Miracles, I read, as if for the first time:

"Say only this, but mean it with no reservations, for here the power of salvation lies:

"I am responsible for what I see.
I choose the feelings I experience, and I decide upn th egoal I would achieve.
And everything that seems to happen to me
I ask for, and receive as I have asked."

"Deceive yourself no longer that you are helpless in the face of what is done to you. Acknowledge but that you have been mistaken, and all effects of your mistakes will disappear."

And then, this morning, as I read Gloria's invitation to return to the community, and I read the God's Child Heaven Letter, I realized that I had been holding myself superior and apart, somehow special because of all my suffering. As I read the words, "Whatever marks the world has put on you or you have put on yourself, you can rise higher now. All that anyone can be, you can be," I came home to the Truth of who I am and have always been, God's Holy Child, forever innocent, unmarred by the marks the world has put on me.

I realized that I have done this to myself. Out of a mistake in perception, that I as guilty, bad and wrong, and deserved God's wrath, I have created and withstood attack and judgment, guilt and blame.

But at the core of me, no matter what happened outside myself, what labels or judgements have been put on me, by myself or those who loved me, or those who feared my passionate intensity, no matter what words have been said, judgments pased, or deeds done, nevertheless, I remain an innocent Child of God.

And as God said this morning in Heavenletters, "If you are to teach others, it is by your example and not your instruction."

I am deeply, deeply grateful for all the lessons of love that have brought me to this point in my life where I am finally claiming my power to teach by demonstration that I am unstoppable, a miracle in motion, a blessing to the world, and that by my healing, legions are healed.

By my example, I am committed to teaching the gentle, generous way of peace and forgiveness, starting with myself.

Thank you, Gloria, for reaching out to me, through the ether, and inviting me back into this community. I love you.

Shelora
www.shelora.com