Heavenletters

I could go on reading and rereading this, it's so thrilling, so rich, so full of life, of personal, real, everyday, lived life.

You are okay.

We may say yes yes but not feel okay at all. If we felt okay, why would we be reticent, why would we teach and instruct without having been asked for it, why would we even want to?

It seems hard to allow myself to be exactly the way I happen to be at any given moment. It is also the most wonderful thing there is. I believe it's what we are here for. It's what is called love. It's what is called God. Like everyone else I know, I watch myself almost all the time to make sure I won't say or do anything that will make me look less than perfect. I wouldn't do that if I really felt all right. No one would. Well, it's just how we come out of home and school, feeling not okay and therefore not allowing ourselves to be all we are. One allows himself anger, another tears, and it looks different but is the same.

But we probably all know some people or at least one person we can be less guarded, less reticent with, and we know how good that feels. Thoroughly fed up with my own and others' reticence and pretenses and having a very strong urge to get back to being my real self one to one, I am experimenting all the time, trying to get past my self-imposed barriers. I found that telling it as it is with not a moment's hesitation, without considerung what it will make me look like, without listening to the "STOP!" of my ego is deeply deeply freeing and invigorating. We know quite well when we are only acting out and when we are speaking our heart one to one. The former affords some short-lived satisfaction but never really satisfies or frees. We also know, by the way it feels, when we have said all there is to say and when we are still holding back some of it which always leaves some pain or dissatisfaction.

If I were to speak a blessing for all of us, I would say, "May you find someone you can be really open and naked with in deep sympathy, in love. Someone you trust enough to allow yourseld to be your very self."

I had a few experiences of this, of not holding back because of shame etc. I know how stunningly happy it makes me, I know how it can make life energy flow in a way that you will look on in awe. And yet it takes time because you both (assuming it's two and not a group situation) have to grow into it. No pushing possible here.

Perhaps even on these forums we can allow ourselves to grow into speaking less about things and telling more of ourselves.