Heavenletters

Yes, let's call them paparazzi collectively, all those people (including ourselves) who have been trying for millennia to feed and force-feed one another pictures pictures pictures of the world, of God, of values, of truth et cetera. Manipulation may have been involved when you were little, perhaps violence, abuse. And your world, your truth, is going to look like that; your images of God and of man will be like that. So I was left with a God who ist distant, indifferent, inexorable and judgmental; and with people whose sole aim in life is to take advantage of others, to be one up, to exploit the planet (soon the moon as well; Gaia, Luna, it's all just material).

And then along come Heavenletters, showing me the God of my most secret dreams, unknown even to myself but instantly recognized. So I am left with two Gods now, the paparazzi one and the one speaking in Heavenletters. My old God is parched, tough as old leather, almost bone or stone, but at least I can rely on Him to always be the way my paparazzi pictures make Him look like to me. And the God in Heavenletters is no doubt too good to be true, only I can't help stealing glances at Him. I must choose and, hesitantly, I do – at the risk of meeting with some huge disappointmend I will not survive.

What else is there to do when I want to be rid of my own judgmentalness and negativity, what else but to see a benevolent God? I cannot "do" that, of course, it's not a decision. But I can rub myself with Heavenletters, I can soak in them, the sweetness and the fear of its unrealness becoming more unbearable every day. So to know that I am Love, and Love Inalterable, may take you what is called a leap of faith. I have not taken that leap yet. A loving God is still ... unimaginable. Some more soaking necessary.