Heavenletters

What is the good of having a God if you can’t relax in Him?

Slightly delirious from a common cold (kept under control by biochemic cell salts) and somewhat disinhibited, I beg to differ: I'm still absolutely unable to relax in You, dear God, but it's so good to have You, to hear words of Truth that may one day make me relax in You and regain what You call innocence. And should they not because the habit of worry, fear and tension is too deeply ingrained, it's still good to have those words of truth, it's still good to know I have been wrong in my estimation of God and "myself", even if I find myself unable to change it.

If I have gone as far as to differ, perhaps I can tell some of the rest as well. I don't seem to really know about love. Yes, I do love truth, I do love the fact that there is a consciousness that tells undeniable truth with no gain in mind, with no hidden agenda, but I have to admit it feels a little abstract, I look at it as if through a coating of ice, as if the warmth I associate with love is not reaching me. And if I love at all, I'm afraid I will have to say that, contrary to what You say, I do so for a pay-off, hoping You will take away my burdens. I can accept it when You say that love is destiny, because that seems to mean I don't have to manufacture anything myself, it seems to mean I should simply keep my hands off. Do I want to escape? I don't know, it does not feel like that – but seems to be the only conclusion possible. How strange.

These last several Love Letters of Yours are more beautiful and touching than I can say. So let's just see...