Heavenletters

Even without regret, there are dragons of my past that are keeping me in service of the past. Regret must be terrible. I know that fear is. Serving the past seems to be the common denominator for all of humanity. Peace to all the regretful hearts. Peace to all the fearful hearts. Peace to all our hearts that are glued to the past by something or other. Presence is peace.

In the opening of my eastward study window there is a huge spider net, and in the light of the hazy morning sun blinking through the shifting foliage of the old pear tree, you can see every minutest detail of this incredible and perfectly maintained structure, sparkling with predominantly green and blue spectral colors. As a helicopter whooshes through its center and across the sun, I suddenly realize this is the first day of creation. What is the secret of this pristineness? Not thinking emotionally charged thoughts is.

I'm tempted to think about this, but I will do something new today and not give in to the impulse. The secret is not in knowing. It is in not knowing. All knowledge is past knowledge, all names are past names. Somehow, I feel, it's not true that to be able to function in the world we need knowledge, and although that's obvious nonsense, my heart insists on it.

But I still don't know what it is I want to say today. Ah yes: God, please help me and everyone who longs for it to be still, silent, empty and dumb more often, be with You more often, in that first day of creation more often where there is no time and thus no fear, no regret, no trembling at all. It took me the better part of this life to even start seriously wanting this, but now that, thankfully, I'm beginning to grow old a little, old enough to not relish drama and struggle so much any more, I think that Reunion could and should simply come without further ado. Those poor and precious seconds, so many of them abandoned to the past, to regret and fear, let Us just rescue more of them.