Heavenletters

Dear Ones,

I go to meet the biopsy surgeon tomorrow. I guess it will be scheduled at that time, after I prepay for tomorrow and half the surgery. Good thing my Christmas check came from my parents on Monday (but it hasn't cleared yet).

My pain level is greatly improved this week. I have been managing without the wheelchair. I can honestly use the word managing now. Before, whenever I walked, I was really biting the bullet. I have been able to sleep for several nights out of the week. I saw the first evidence of healing in the center of one lesion when my dressings were changed at Wound Care on Tuesday. I took the Neutontin for the first time before bed last night because I had a bad attack. Maybe I will try continuing with it at bedtime for awhile if I don't notice any unpleasant side effects.

Since August, I have forgotten what it is like to be clear of severe pain. What a difference being free of that kind of pain makes in my outlook and my degree of conscious faith!! What blessedly perfect timing for this relief. I appreciate having my wits about me and feeling spiritually connected as I field the deluge of medical appointments being generated by the oncologists.

The attached Heavenletter was so perfect for me at this time in my life!!!!! Maybe it will also be good for you in the midst of your own challenges. The concept in this Heavenletter is one of the most challenging spiritual practices for me, and by FAR one of the most rewarding. Please help remind me of this whenever you hear me complain about medical care and any other major inconveniences and frustrations that I am currently wading through (like disability).

Years ago, there was a Heavenletter, similar to this one, in which God used the metaphor of going through life as though you were a passenger on a train and your personal life experiences were outside the window. [remember that I read this one years ago and I don't know how accurately I am relaying it's message to you. God help me.] You watch those life experiences quickly going by outside the window. Everything just constantly and swiftly goes by as you are passing through on the train. You are not bogged down by imagining that you must tamper with the big picture. The big picture is outside your sphere of influence, and it is impossible for you to get outside of the flow of your life's journey. You just sit on the train of life and get carried through everything. You are not the engine, you are not the engineer, you are not the train. [That's all I remember. I don't know what God said about what you are doing in the train once you get as witness to what has already been.]

Hopefully you are being good company to the other passengers. Maybe, based on the scenery you are witnessing outside the window, you get inspired to get off of that train and get on one with a different distination. Maybe you strike up a conversation with other passengers, learning about some of the trips they have taken, and brainstorming about new ones for your future. Maybe you get to choose what train you are on and can change at will, once you get the hang of allowing nonattachment to what is passing by beyond the window. Maybe what the passengers focus on inside the train effects what they notice going past beyond the windows. Now here is an image that I can wrap this up with!!! Maybe the consciousness of the passengers creates a wake that the train makes as it goes through the landscape - as a boat in water would.

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!! Thank you godde that I have had two days in a row without appointments, and that I am free from pain this morning. It is so good to experience this bit freedom to relax on the train of my life and enjoy my consciousness taking a pleasurable journey. How delightful compared to spending days (becoming weeks) expending my energy allowing people to focus on horrible things that might be wrong with my body.

Please continue to hold me in your prayers. I can feel that it is helping me to hold my consciousness in faith and grace. I will bask in the image that I am a passenger with you and that our prayers are creating a glorious wake. Do you know the song, "There's Another Train"?

Blessings on our Oneness,

Tina

Note: forwarded message attached.