Heavenletters

I love God dearly and have grown much closer through the Holy Spirit and the Course in Miracles. Yet, while I treasure that which God has given me, I am perplexed by what appears to be my situation. I have no job, and no prospect of getting one even though I was blessed with a great education. As a result, I am about to lose my home and car. I owe money to everyone that I know, because they believed in me, trusted as I did, and was confident that God's Will would provide me with sustainence. I have my health, but I am getting older, and obviously I have no retirement accounts or savings. All of my relatives are dead, and unfortunately, the few friends I had that did loan me money, while sympathetic, can do no more and are frustrated to the point that they don't really want to see me very often.

I try diligently to rest, accept, and trust that God will provide. Yet, I am going on 3 years of unemployment, and the cupboard is bare. I will be homeless soon. I am still trying to find the treasure written of in today's letter, but while I face giving up everything I own (and my computer, which has been my only real connection to a spiritual community), I find it hard to see this as God's gift of treasure. Is there any way you can help me? Sadly, advising me to continue to trust or that something will turn up strikes me as rather shallow. When one has nothing and no one, and there is nothing other than God with which to turn, and yet God isn't providing basic sustainence, what are we to do? What are we to think and feel? How can we put together any sort of life? This world, illusory as it may be, requires some sort of money in order to live. I can't get money. Thus, is God telling me to die? I don't believe that killing myself should be an option, but without an opportunity, what am I to do?

Thank you for reading. Any help you can offer would be greatly appreciated.

Lori