Lori, reading your words, I
Lori,
reading your words, I can listen intently and perhaps hear or even feel where you are. If that is a help, you can have lots of it.
Panic is a difficult place to start from, this much I do know. But not even panic has to mean that all paths are blocked. Let panic be your springboard. I feel you have the guts it takes.
The secret is in this: It is not that you put your hand out. It is that your heart be open to receive. For very much of my life, my heart has not been open to receive. I used to think that what I desired just wasn't there, or not there for me. Or maybe even deliberately witheld from me. But who would do such a silly thing and why? To test my faith? In Heavenletters, God makes it very clear that He is not up to stupid games.
It's all there. Every treasure imaginable has been placed right before us. We are the ones who, for some reason or other and often without realizing it, refuse to receive. "Why?" is not a very helpful question. "How can I get receptive fast enough?" is not a very helpful question. Coming from a life of relative affluence, your current experience may look to you like the end of you. Only stop thinking that thought. Homeless, hungry ..... nothing has to be the end of you. Let the apparent prospect and the dread be your beginning. Let them open your heart for Lori. I'm not arguing that hearts are best opened by pain and lack, not at all. But use whatever you happen to have as your springboard.
In front of a tree standing tall, I sometimes feel ashamed for not standing tall myself. But looking more closely, I realize I'm not exactly a felled or badly crippled tree either. Aren't we always somewhere in between extremes? So, what I try to do is teach myself to say, "So what? I'm not where I want to be yet, but I'm not in the worst of places either. All I could ever wish for is there already and God is helping me become receptive. I'm not the fastest of apprentices but I will be a little closer to the life I dream of next week. Or next month." If I can feel "So what?" - not an indifferent or disheartened "So what?" but a confident one - I know I am on the right track. It may be something else for you. Please find it. Gloria's suggestions will be a wonderful place to start from.
And as Jim says, keep in touch and let us know how things are going.
Random Comments
Thank you for offering to humanity these daily messages. I found Heavenletters via spiritlibrary and then on snoedel.punt.nl. I always come back to Heavenletters because they are just simple, pure love, expressed succinctly and eloquently. It is so wonderful to read something that opens a key in my heart, you know? And though I know we are all simply the conduits of this beautiful love, I wanted to express my appreciation. I thank you from my core.